Hit The Road

Here I am in Portland Oregon again. It's a semi cloudy day and the temperature is a cool 73 degrees. The trees are lush and full and the flowers are blooming everywhere. Yet it is not the weather that keeps drawing me back to this place. Portland is my muse, my guiding spirit. During my first visit here last November I discovered that my inner hippie had been let loose. I melded right into the free form style of this city. Portland is not a trend setter type of place which is why in part I like it so well. If this city could be defined by setting trends I suppose it would be for protecting the environment and in it's care for the homeless. There is a soul to this city that is part of a highly concentrated area of Atheists. Lesson? We don't need to be religious to have a heart and soul.
When I told people that I was heading out here for my third trip within a year, several of them asked why we didn't just move here. Simple answer. I love Denver. Like Portland, Denver is a young, liberal, affordable city. It has a vibrant downtown and beautiful mountains a scant hour away. The weather is a perfect four season climate with virtually low humidity and tons of sunny days and it is an easy place to travel out of. I feel people are missing the point when I wax romantic about my love for Portland. The point being that this is why we should travel when we can. Travel not only enriches your life by exposing you to different ways of living, it also serves as a means to appreciate where you live. It's not necessary to move from place to place in order to get the full experience of a place. People try to move away from towns in order to get a fresh start. They feel that by leaving a place, they will leave behind all of the challenges that have beset them in a particular place, without realizing that they will be taking all of those problems with them on the road to seeking nirvana. I remember from my own past history when over 30 years ago we moved up to Portland from California when the Navy ship my husband was serving on was transferred to dry dock for repairs. At that time I was suffering from a psychological condition known as agoraphobia, which is a fear of going out. I remember driving up the coast of California and Oregon and thinking how this was going to be a new start for me. I was feeling good. I was going to leave all of that mess in California and move forward. It didn't happen. Once the glow of living in a new place wore off, I was back struggling with my ailment. Once we moved back to California, six months later, I resumed my therapy and eventually moved past the agoraphobia. It wasn't the move that solved my problem, it was me who solved it. We can run from relationships, friendships, cities and even our country, but, the baggage you are running from will still follow you. Good friends, that romantic relationship, the perfect place to live, can be found wherever you live and if it's not materializing then you need to go within to find out why it's not.
 When we were younger we lived in some of the most expensive areas of the country. Though both San Diego and New York had some wonderful aspects, they also fell short in affordability. It was tiring to live in places where everything cost a fortune. The advantage that San Diego has was that the weather is perfect and the beach is free!
Through travel, whether is be within our home state, our country or overseas, we can get a better sense of what syncs up with our true selves. We can come home with new ideas, new favorite things , and list of what we want to do when we return to the road.

To Know

Yesterday I was feeling a little cranky for some reason and didn't know quite why. On Sunday evening I attended a wonderful Summer Solstice bonfire and cookout at one friend's house, and on Monday I drove up to visit with another friend and meet her new baby. I was due to go into Denver to my usual craft haunt and yet I wasn't enthused. I decided at the last minute to take in a movie and went to see "Epic" a cute kid's movie about a girl, her dad and the fairy folk who live in the woods. I came home after the movie and settled into some knitting while watching the season finale of Mad Men. It was then that things started feeling better to me. When I woke up today I felt good. When I went outside to give my plants a good watering, I noticed how lush my yard is. My pot garden veggies and herbs are growing rapidly and the bushes are full with new growth everywhere. It made me feel happy. I know now with certainty that I am a homebody. I feel content and serene when I am in my home. My creativity starts to roam everywhere. I can think of too many fun things I can be doing and start to worry that I don't have enough time left in the day. I feel this must be my Taurus moon expressing itself since Taurus is the sign of hearth and home. My double Libra sun and ascendent keeps me from being a hermit though. I like to go out and discover new places or have new experiences, I simply don't like to go out for the sake of going out to escape my home. For me, my home is my sanctuary and I am realizing that it always has been.
 It's funny how younger people seem to think that as people get older they change. I find that isn't the case. What can be the case is that you come to understand more of who you are. When I was young I did my share of drinking and dancing (even today I am strongly associated with Martinis and Whiskey) but that did not make up a whole lot of my social time. Having round robin in-home dinner and game nights with friends was more the norm. I have always been a book lover since the time I was a kid. I grew up surrounded by books in my home and today, well, I have my fair share of books to be sure. I have always liked playing different types of games. There is a closet full of board games in my home. These days the board games have mostly been replaced  by all of the online gaming I do. I have always been crafty. I used to sew a do cross stitching and would give homemade gifts to unsuspecting family and friends. I am happy to say that I turn out a much better gift then I did those many years ago thus proving that a person can learn by practice. I have always enjoyed in home entertaining. Parties done with a theme and some style are a lot of fun for me to put together. These things have always been part of who I am and always will be. Along the way I have added many new things as I have  broadened my life experiences.
When it comes to relationships, I have always been of a mind to have committed, close relationships. I have always treated my friendships as relationships because they mean a lot to me. I don't need to have a huge list of names that I call friend. I don't change friends as often as I change my underwear. I am content with just one or two that are my friend. I want to have that friend who can be with me through my life as I would be for them. I am willing to invest the time and effort it takes, realizing that it takes a lot of effort, but I know how worth it it is. My time and my feeling of pleasure is important to me. I rarely want to fritter it away on casual acquaintances if I can help it. In order of preference, I love spending time with that special friend (A spouse is obvious so that is not part of this monologue)  alone, and finally with acquaintances. I find time alone invigorating, which is good because the vast majority of my time is spent alone and has been all of these years because of my traveling husband. It has given me a wonderful opportunity for growth and independence. So, when I found that special friend several years ago, I was thrilled. I had reached what I knew was the perfect balance for me. I found someone I synced up with so well, not only because of our many common interests but also what we could learn about life from each other, maybe in part because of our age difference. I enjoyed having a male friend because I sync up better with males, probably because the vast majority of our conversational content does not include health and diet and exercise topics as it does with most women. My female friends are well educated, liberal and intelligent and YET they insist on focusing on topics that at best bore me, and at worst, cause me to come back with some snarky conversational retorts. I'm not saying that men are devoid of judgments, but my experience with them has not included diet and health topics. As for my friend, I don't know what to say or what to think. I do know that thinking can get you in a whole lot of trouble, when it comes to relationships. When it comes to relationships, it's best to let your heart lead the way.

Solstice

This year's summer solstice was punctuated nicely by the beautiful super moon. I however, tend to do my summer solstice celebration during the day in order to enjoy the beauty of the beginning of the bounty of summer. As part of my celebration, I took some lavender stalks from my plant and wrapped them around my wand that happens to be made from the purple ash tree in my front yard. I also knit a ribbon for the broom that hangs by my front door while sitting outside on my porch with my cats, enjoying some freshly made iced tea brewed with lemon verbena and mint from my pot garden. I added some silk flowers to it along with a small bell in order to welcome any fairies that may be hanging out in the front yard. Finally, I set out my fairy offering of milk and honey by the light of the super moon and was more than pleased to see that it was gone the next morning. Fairies can be pranksters so it's best to have a good relationship with them. I am happy to say that I have some delightful fae companions living in my backyard. I believe that they are especially happy with their garden since the plants in it are thriving. They turned the teapot house I placed in it around to the back side to let me know they are around. Magic is indeed afoot in my backyard this summer and I intend to spend as much time outside in it as I can!

My wand and crown

the fairy garden is growing

Welcome

Revelation

I love my study of witchcraft. It has been a process of self discovery and development that has slowly but surely crept up on me. I was made aware of this once again at my class yesterday when we were discussing spiritual awareness. I remember telling my spiritual friend, who at the time was going through his own spiritual studies to beware of certain people who would attach themselves to him because they saw his innate talent. He would balk every time I would point out the negative people in his life. He was surrounded by so many negative or needy people that he called friends. It seemed as if he were a magnet for them. In truth, he was. Yesterday I came to the realization that I too had my own collection of negative, needy people that I called friend and I finally figured out how this all came about for both of us.
When we come into our spiritual awakening and are in the process of developing our psychic and magical talents, we start to radiate this new energy that attracts other people. Unfortunately, this lovely energy attracts a lot of negative, needy energies: the psychic vampires. Most people are unaware that they are energy vampires so it's not that there is deliberate intention to harm. However in the psychic circles, where people are aware of energy, you might just find psychic vampires that will intentionally seek you out. I was well aware of the intentional types since I had been in the business of tarot readings for a few years, but I never thought of it beyond that circle. For the past six months at least, I have been wondering why it was that I had  drawn so many negative people into my life. Now I see that they were drawn to me and that I did not have the knowledge to understand what was happening. I have been systematically dropping or severely limiting contact that I have with these people. For my part, I did not have a good understanding of boundaries and would therefore let people come into my life and stay in my life that had no business being there. It was nothing short of a miracle that my friend and I found each other. The attraction was a good one full of fun and good energy. We synced up as friends because we are from that same spiritual tribe. We both were ambushed by these negative energies without being aware of what was going on. It took me a lot of reflection and honesty to understand. When I speak of these negative people creeping into my life, I am not implying that I was a victim, but rather an unknowing accomplice of my own unhappiness.
I was never that interested in formal training in witchcraft, and in looking at the group my friend had gotten involved with was for me, validation of my decision. There are so many strange agents in the pagan community, with egos much larger than any sense of spirituality. I was convinced that I could do my own self study. When the timing was right, I found my study group and from there I found where I am today. The small class setting with a teacher that has had many years of study and practice, along with fellow classmates that have had many years of their own path work, has been just what I needed for my own validation of the talents I have and for ones I didn't know I had.As I begin my final six months on the road to High Priestess, I am excited for what else will be revealed to me. Oh how I would love to have these conversations with my friend.

It Happens

So, after 6 years on MySpace we continue here. Unfortunately I have lost all of my blogs and pictures, which is a lot of content, but I suppose that is a lesson for me. There are a lot more important things in life that one could lose than the ramblings of a crazy person. The first thing that always comes to mind are lost friendships, however today I am also thinking of all of the people who lost their homes here in Colorado. They lost every one of or most of their possessions along with a place to live and yet if they didn't lose each other, not all is lost for these families. Possessions can be replaced over time. Friendships cannot be replaced but I do feel that they can be recovered. Possibility is what life is.