To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you
something else is the greatest accomplishment." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emerson made this observation back in the 1800s, yet a few centuries later, we are still struggling to be individuals. It's the human condition. The constant struggle between the spirit who is free and the human that imprisons itself can go on throughout one's life. Or not. We make choices every minute of every day, so that at any time, we can choose to be ourselves. Seeking acceptance from others is a waste of time. Trying to break out of societal labels is futile. It's not only convenient for people to put labels on others, it's comforting for them. When we compartmentalize people, it seems to give us a sense of order and reinforces that righteous sense judgment that our human side seems to need. Trying to fit in the mold and seek the approval of others, is not a satisfying experience. When you play your life as a game, you will lose.
The other day I took a quiz on "What Harry Potter Character Are You?" It was no surprise that I came out as Luna Lovegood. She and Harry Potter have always been my favorite characters. Both she and Harry are outside the norm. They are both survivors. Luna wants to be accepted for exactly who she is. She wants to be surrounded by the people she loves and (according to the quiz) would use her money to help her loved ones.She also doesn't care what people think of her. I always wanted to her Luna and Harry pair up in the end because they are kindred souls.
In my work, I deal with many people trying to reconnect to a kindred soul. Kindred souls share the same inner values that transcend the mundane interests. This is why we see some seemingly unlikely relationship pairs: The night owl with the morning person, the sports person with the couch potato, the same sex couple, the age different couple, the gorgeous person with the average person, etc. Interests and appearances are superficial, yet too easy for society to pass judgment on.
There is great freedom in giving up trying to be accepted as part of the crowd. There is also frustration and resentment around the labels and boxes people try to slot you into. In giving up acceptance, you accept for yourself that societal labels will always be there. With that wisdom in place, you can then begin to live your authentic life.
Perhaps at first, kindred souls will connect over common interests, just like all friendships. It's only through the passage of time that deeper awareness comes. While I might share a common interest of knitting, or watching the same television shows or liking the same places or cities as someone else, those people are not my kindred souls if they are politically conservative, gun toting people or righteously religious. Why? Because these are values that people hold as their truth. These beliefs are not going to be changed and are not in line with what I hold to be of value. I don't have respect for people holding values that are not in line with the equality and dignity of all humans. I don't respect people who don't want to help others or resent giving others help through societal laws. Therefore, I will only put effort and time into relationships with people who hold the values I do. While there may be many friends to meet along the path, each of us must discover for ourselves, which ones touch our soul enough to commit the time and effort to. For a kindred soul, I would do most anything to be there for them. For a friend, a bit less. If I am not with a kindred soul, I am content to be alone doing the things I love to do. It's much more satisfying than trying to fit in and seek out other people's attention.
For the new year, instead of "resolving" to lose weight, exercise more, get a new job, a new place to live or buy the latest electronic toy, it might be helpful to understand the difference between goals and resolutions. Goals are outward manifestations of accomplishments. Resolutions are tools that can change your life by leading you towards inner satisfaction.
