Your honest word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.

 
 Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) Why we justify foolish beliefs, bad decisions and hurtful acts by Carol Tavis and Elliot Aronson. This book is well worth reading not only to help you understand your behaviors, but also why other people act as they do. Great self help book. It is fascinating. Here are some tidbits from the book


1.Promises are easily made. Keeping them often proves more difficult because when we are pressured to strive always for perfection, we find it simpler to agree to undertake impossible tasks than to say no. Likewise, there is an infinite array of circumstances that conspire to goad us into telling falsehoods, even when we hold a great reverence for truth. When you endeavor to consistently keep your word, however, you protect your reputation and promote yourself as someone who can be trusted to be unfailingly truthful. Though your honesty may not always endear you to others—for there will always be those who fear the truth—you can nonetheless be certain that your integrity is never tarnished by the patina of deceit. Since frankness and sincerity form the basis of all life-enriching relationships, your word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.

2.When we promise more than we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions through falsehoods, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who were counting on us by proving that their faith was wrongly given. We are also hurt by the lies we tell and the promises we break. Integrity is the foundation of civilization, allowing people to live, work, and play side by side without fear or apprehension. As you cultivate honesty within yourself, you will find that your honor and reliability put people at ease. Others will feel comfortable seeking out your friendship and collaborating with you on projects of great importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If you do catch yourself in a lie, ask yourself what you wanted to hide and why you felt you couldn’t be truthful. And if life’s surprises prevent you from keeping your word, simply admit your error apologetically and make amends quickly.

3.Since the path of truth frequently represents the more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character. You can harness the power of your word when you do your best to live a life of honesty and understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping your agreements and embodying sincerity, you prove that you are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into your daily existence. 

4.Most of us find it difficult, if not impossible to say "I was wrong, I made a terrible mistake. The higher the stakes, the greater the difficulty. Most people when directly confronted with proof that they were wrong do not change their point of view or course of action but justify it even more tenaciously. There is a difference between lying to save face and the process of  someone persuading themselves that they did a good thing. Self justification is more powerful and dangerous than a simple lie. It allows people to convince themselves that what they did was the best thing they could have done. In fact, it was the right thing. Self justification minimizes our mistakes and bad decisions and makes a person a hypocrite. One justification leads to more to the point that a person actually be
5.Memories are often pruned and shaped by an ego enhancing bias that blurs the edges of past events, softens culpability and distorts what really happened. We tend to remember things in a way that enhances our contribution to say, a relationship. over time as the self distortions of memory kick in and we forget or distort past events, we may come to believe our own lies little by little. We know we did something wrong but gradually we begin to think that it wasn't all our fault and after all the situation was complex. We start under estimating our own responsibility. Before long we have persuaded ourselves believing our own lies to be the truth. You can literally will what is in your mind to become reality. While it's true that we must live our lives with a certain amount of self  justification, in order to keep ourselves sane, the use of mindless self justification can draw us into deep trouble. It blocks our ability to even see our errors, let alone correct them, it distorts reality and prolongs rifts between friends and lovers. It permits the guilty for taking responsibility for their deeds.  To make mistakes is human but we have a choice to make between covering up or fessing up. We cannot learn from mistakes unless we can admit that we made any.

 The authors of the book go on to say that Cognitive Dissonance is the engine of self justification. They cite examples of this behavior as it relates to politicians and other sectors of society as well as examples of individuals.

 I have neglected my blogs and instead been relying on Twitter for Sashas Tearoom. It's just so fast and easy to share, with the added benefit that Twitter does not require you to be very erudite. I spend a lot of time counseling my clients during readings and as a result, my energy for writing has diminished a bit. These days I have been spending my free time knitting and geeking out. This week my friends and I went to the Miyazaki Madness event at our local Alamo Drafthouse, to see "Princess Mononoke". The Druid got teary eyed at the end, as did I, when the forest spirit sacrificed himself to save the land. One of my friends has tickets to two more of the movies while I am trying to decide where I can fit more in. We are looking forward to March when the new Miyasaki movie will be released. I am still amazed at how my friends can knit and watch a movie in a dark room!  Next up is another game day next weekend with another set of friends where we will finally be playing "Arkham Horror". Following that with will be a Lord of The Ring Nerdgasm day where we will be watching the LOTR trio of extended edition movies at my house all day and into the night. The exciting part is planning the menu since it has been decided that we will need 7 meals. We want to theme it around the movies a bit. I am doing the first breakfast, and a stew for dinner. There is also talk of tea sandwiches and savory mini pies (the druid is an awesome baker) One of the participants is going to draw up a schedule so we can organize this right! Yes, geek. In the world of World of Warcraft, we are leveling our little guild pretty well by running dungeons with our level 90 characters. This week  I have been focusing my efforts on "Love is in the Air" and managed to get "Peddlefeet" the companion pretty quickly. I am addicted to WOW. Lastly, the geek in me MUST watch the Olympics. Not only is it a great time to get some serious knitting done, it is incredibly inspiring to me to see people achieve some lifelong dreams. Some of the back stories are heart wrenching and inspiring all at the same time.

Last week we got home from a week in Sin City (Las Vegas). While we didn't win any money, we did enjoy the warm weather (mid 70's), incredible food and elegant hotels. Vegas is an adult playground and I love it! Can't wait to return. So glad it's so close, easy and cheap to fly to! I played a lot of poker which is relaxing and fun. I like chatting with new people while the cards go round and round. One fun conversation at the table:
guy next to me: so what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a tarot reader
Guy next to me: what's that?
Me: I'm a psychic, though you wouldn't know by the way I play these cards.
Guy across from me: do you make any money from it?
Me: not as much as my husband would like

When we got home to Denver, I was refreshed. While it was great to be running around at all hours with all of the noise, crowds and excitement that is Vegas, my pagan self was glad to be home. I crave the quiet and wide open spaces that surrounds me here in Colorado. I do all of my rituals outside these days so that I can gaze into the sky as I make my intentions known. In the Winter, the quiet rustle of the trees, or the silent snowflakes coming down, add a dimension to my rituals that cannot be captured as fully inside. It's no surprise that there is such a big pagan community in this state. Being surrounded by mountains is in itself inspiration. Driving home from running some errands last week, we stopped the car in our neighborhood to watch a fox who stood there and let me take many pictures of him. One of the messages of fox as a spirit animal is to eat healthy. I wonder if that includes martinis? Since I drink them with olives, I'm sure that fits just right. The next day a deer was just about at my front window looking in at me, probably wondering what else there must be to eat that might taste better than my scrawny bushes.
 We all find what is right for us. The right place to live, the people we feel at home with, the work that calls to our souls. We do this by listening to our souls." Everything -- absolutely everything -- that happens in our lives has a spiritual cause. Events on all other levels -- mental, emotional and physical -- are only effects". A person cannot reinvent themselves, though many try. Reinvention is something that the personality does to change things on the surface while the true self remains the same. Madison Taylor says " many of us don’t take the time to determine what’s right for us; we simply do what most of the people we know are doing. In this way, our decisions about life are made by default, which means they aren’t what we call conscious decisions.  This may be the result of feeling overwhelmed or pressured by family, peers, and humanity at large, to do things their way, the way things have always been done. Regardless of the cause, it is important that, as often as we can, we decide for ourselves what to do with our lives rather than just drift along on the current of popular opinion. It is not always easy to make decisions that go against the grain. Many people feel threatened when those close to them make choices divergent from the ones they are making."  When we get caught in the trap of worrying about what other people will think, we become their servants, because we have given up our personal power. "If I change direction now, what will people think? " is usually followed by one of the following answers starting with the phrase, they will think: I am weak, crazy, stupid, a failure, indecisive, wimpy, and any other negative adjectives one can think of. Indeed, it takes courage to make the decisions that are right for us. However, it takes more than courage to follow our own desires, it take evolution of the soul.  Evolution of the soul comes about through work such as meditation, journaling, and spiritual study. As the soul evolves we come to better understand that love, compassion, forgiveness and loyalty can give us much more satisfaction in life than living for the opinions and approval of others.



 Quote of the Day:

 "Only love can heal the rifts caused by a hurtful deed. Forgiveness holds immense power because it mends separation. It moves us towards the unity and love that lie at the core of our being. It is a fundamental part of the healing process"

Now that January is over, Winter is here again in Colorado. We are in a bit of a cold snap, yet the sun is shining brightly in the sky as the steam rises off the highways as they struggle to dry out in this 6 degree weather. Yesterday we had a few inches of snow in all of it's winter glory, it came floating down from the sky as if it were falling in time to some unheard music. I took a walk down the street to pick up the mail and take in the sights as I stepped through the powdery snow surrounding me. I think one of my favorite things about the snowfall is the silence. It's calming. Since moving to Colorado some 20 years ago, I have become a huge fan or Winter. It's not hard to like a Winter where it's sunny most every day and the temperatures get warm enough to eat outside during the day as was the case two weeks ago. Things never stay the same, weather wise, so a person can't get too bogged down with boredom. With our single digit temperatures, tonight will be a good night to knit and chat with friends by a toasty fireplace. Fireside Books, here we come.

At the park in my neighborhood today

Yesterday during the snow

Even Buddha was cold but, being Buddha, he didn't complain

This past Sunday I officially became a High Priestess. It was a surreal realization that I have reached the witchy peak, though I will be studying for another two years, because one can never learn too much I suppose. The Temple of Witchcraft has a 5 year program, if a person wishes to continue. Four of us are moving ahead to High Witchcraft. After this year's study I  can add Shamanic Witch to my qualifications but I don't feel this will be my strongest area, despite my love for animals.  The best thing I was able to take away from this past year are the discovery of my totem animals that I use for the four elements. Together we have done some amazing work in circle.
So, now I can officially start my own coven. Hmmm. I would love to have a High Priest as partner because it's important to have both male and female energy for the balance. With no one in sight and not a whole lot of motivation on my part to start constructing anything concrete, I am happy to be a coven of one for now, and am ok with the idea that I may always be solo. If you come to think about it, even in a coven, everyone is solo since no one's spiritual beliefs are identical. The best you can hope for is that you are all on the same page.
For now, I am just basking in the glow of the realization that the study during past three years has made me grow and enhanced my talents. For that I can say a resounding Blessed Be!

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson made this observation back in the 1800s, yet a few centuries later, we are still struggling to be individuals. It's the human condition. The constant struggle between the spirit who is free and the human that imprisons itself can go on throughout one's life. Or not. We make choices every minute of every day, so that at any time, we can choose to be ourselves. Seeking acceptance from others is a waste of time. Trying to break out of societal labels is futile. It's not only convenient for people to put labels on others, it's comforting for them. When we compartmentalize people, it seems to give us a sense of order and reinforces that righteous sense judgment that our human side seems to need. Trying to fit in the mold and seek the approval of others, is not a satisfying experience. When you play your life as a game, you will lose.

The other day I took a quiz on "What Harry Potter Character Are You?" It was no surprise that I came out as Luna Lovegood. She and Harry Potter have always been my favorite characters. Both she and Harry are outside the norm. They are both survivors. Luna wants to be accepted for exactly who she is. She wants to be surrounded by the people she loves and (according to the quiz) would use her money to help her loved ones.She also doesn't care what people think of her. I always wanted to her Luna and Harry pair up in the end because they are kindred souls.

In my work, I deal with many people trying to reconnect to a kindred soul. Kindred souls share the same inner values that transcend the mundane interests. This is why we see some seemingly unlikely relationship pairs: The night owl with the morning person, the sports person with the couch potato, the same sex couple, the age different couple, the gorgeous person with the average person, etc. Interests and appearances are superficial, yet too easy for society to pass judgment on.

There is great freedom in giving up trying to be accepted as part of the crowd. There is also frustration and resentment around the labels and boxes people try to slot you into. In giving up acceptance, you accept for yourself that societal labels will always be there. With that wisdom in place, you can then begin to live your authentic life.

Perhaps at first, kindred souls will connect over common interests, just like all friendships. It's only through the passage of time that deeper awareness comes. While I might share a common interest of knitting, or watching the same television shows or liking the same places or cities as someone else, those people are not my kindred souls if they are politically conservative, gun toting people or righteously religious. Why? Because these are  values that people hold as their truth. These beliefs are not going to be changed and are not in line with what I hold to be of value. I don't have respect for people holding values that are not in line with the equality and dignity of all humans. I don't respect people who don't want to help others or resent giving others help through societal laws. Therefore, I will only put effort and time into relationships with people who hold the values I do. While there may be many friends to meet along the path, each of us must discover for ourselves, which ones touch our soul enough to commit the time and effort to. For a kindred soul, I would do most anything to be there for them. For a friend, a bit less. If I am not with a kindred soul, I am content to be alone doing the things I love to do. It's much more satisfying than trying to fit in and seek out other people's attention.

For the new year, instead of "resolving" to lose weight, exercise more, get a new job, a new place to live or buy the latest electronic toy, it might be helpful to understand the difference between goals and resolutions. Goals are outward manifestations of accomplishments. Resolutions are tools that can change your life by leading you towards inner satisfaction.

I have so much fun putting together a party and the holidays are no exception. This month I have three at the home. The latest one was for my small Scrabble Group. I planned a simple yet elegant meal including a small plate appetizer dish to have while we sipped on cocktails. I knew I was getting obsessive when I found myself digging through mounds of stamps to find a large snowflake one so that I could sprinkle snowflakes on the table.

 After trying out several color combinations I came up with a simple yet festive theme that I liked.There is something very magical about the days that lead up to Yule. All of the decorations and tiny lights seem to sparkle even more.

I enjoy treating my friends to a special evening where they can relax and enjoy, at least before we try to kill each other in a friendly game of Scrabble. I have the holiday edition which adds to the merriment of the season. A few days earlier, we hosted a dinner and movie night with much more casual food which called for a more casual look to the table. I left the Yule log in place and chose a plaid tablecloth to give things a more homey look. You just can't have a serious dinner when you are planning to watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation! It's the same setting I have planned for our Yule Eve dessert and drink party. Despite all of the work involved in putting together these small dinner parties, for me, it is what makes the holidays so much fun. I love holidays because they take us out of the ordinary days. This is also why I enjoy changing my house just enough to reflect each season of the year. It's the pagan within me that desires the connection to the earth. To be able to share those celebrations with others, whether it be just one person or a dozen, makes it all the more special.

I had a most spectacular day yesterday. I spent the day getting ready for one a holiday dinner for one of my gaming groups. As I bustled around to put the finishing touches on my holiday table and mixed up my homemade remoulade sauce for the crab cakes, I realized that I was living totally in the moment. Unfortunately, the holidays can become a time when we tend to reminisce more than usual, which can be a source of depression. We may long for the days when we were children and life seemed so carefree and full of magic as we waited for Santa to arrive, or we may feel the sadness of our childhood memories surrounding the holidays. While we can't erase the memories of the past, we can give them a moment of our time and then bring ourselves back to the present so that we can find joy from what exists at this very moment. In looking back, we can choose to remember the good memories and minimize the not so good ones. We can choose to see that the bad choices we made in the past, were what we thought were good ones at the time. While we can't change the choices we have made in the past, we can choose how we want things to be right now, and into the future, we will be able to continue to make choices. I see the present as it is, which also includes so many possibilities. I am empowered to make manyof those possibilities happen, others, I am not. When I travel I love to shop. I like to buy things that are specific to the particular place and I also like to shop for ordinary items such as clothes or jewelry. The reason being that every time I put on that pair of shoes or those earrings, I am reminded of a wonderful experience.The place I bought them is always with me until the next time I get to return. Every year at this time, I wear my long red scarf that was knit for me by my friend who told me at the time he knit it that everyone needs to have a red scarf for the holidays. I agree! When I put on my scarf, I am surrounded by good memories and hope.